To be Called your Daughter 

The spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs – heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. 

Romans 8:16-17 ESV 

When you dress for the day, what are the identities that you wear? 

Throughout my life, I have worn many self-constructed identities. The first memorable one began in 1996, when the Spice Girls released their hit song “Wannabe.” My elder sister, two close neighborhood friends, and I decided to emulate the Spice Girls and perform concerts for our families, charging $2 a ticket. Naturally, I was assigned to be Sporty Spice because I was the “sporty” one. Being good at sports came naturally to me, and I could outplay any boy on the soccer field who dared to challenge me. 

As I grew older, my self-imposed identity shifted. Inspired by family trips to the Gold Coast in Australia, I embraced the “surfy girl” persona. Even though I couldn’t surf, I wore the latest gear from surf brands like Billabong, Rip Curl, and Roxy. In my late teens, boys started noticing me for my looks, and beauty became a part of my identity throughout much of my twenties. 

In my early thirties, I got married. My looks were no longer the asset they used to be since I already had a husband, and I learnt quickly that physical appearance was fading with age. However, I had married a banker from New York, was doing well in my career, earning good money, living on Park Avenue, and experiencing the best life had to offer. Money and sophistication became part of my identity. 

At the start of 2020, my husband, Brad, and I decided to take a trip to Paris. We experienced all the city had to offer: the Palace of Versailles, Michelin-starred restaurants, and champagne every day at Hotel George V. Despite being surrounded by history and beauty, I felt a strange melancholy. I was experiencing the best of the best, yet I was not satisfied. I felt insecure about who I was, struggling to keep up and knowing that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough for the world’s standards. My worth was rooted on shaky ground. 

I had a strong desire to be noticed, to be seen, to do something of worth and value. Walking into the Louvre the next day, I felt slightly jealous when I saw Napoleon III’s apartments. They were so regal, so beautiful, so otherworldly. Why couldn’t I live in a place like this? My desires for fame, success, beauty, and power were particularly strong that day. It just so happened that a friend soon helped me realize these desires were not inherently wrong, just misallocated. 

As Brad and I made our way to the upper floors of the museum to see some stunning paintings, our friend from New York called. We mentioned where we were and briefly turned on the phone’s video camera to show him the beautiful paintings we were looking at. What was a casual comment to him is one that I will never forget: “Ah yes, your Father owns all of these”. This friend from our small group at church was referring to God. I knew that God was sovereign and omnipotent, the founder and creator of the earth. I knew that He had sent His only son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins as our substitute. However, suddenly my orphan heart began to receive a revelation from God. I saw the true King who held the rights to everything in the heavens and the earth as my Father, and I, His daughter. It was an identity I could understand and relate to—a daughter of the King. God spoke to me through my friend, through paintings, and through history. In that moment, my Father looked at me among all the jewels, gold, and paintings of the Louvre and said, “I find you more valuable than all of this.” I received His affection in a way I had never known. 

The Gospel of John 1:12-13 says that we become children of God when we accept Jesus as God, believe, and put our hope in Him. The grace to be a child of God is instant from that moment. However, I had never grasped the difference between Christian identity and any other identity. I called myself a Christian, went to church, read the Bible, and was in a community group, but had never truly learned who I was and known it in my heart. Since that day, knowing that I am His daughter, and an adopted heir, has been a strong resource to help me navigate through life. It has given me a sense of security, significance, and belonging. I admit that I still struggle with misplaced identities and can still wander back to an orphan spirit. Yet, I have been transformed through the Holy Spirit by embracing reminders and practices. 

In “Mere Christianity,” C.S. Lewis named a whole chapter “Let’s Pretend.” Lewis encouraged his readers to use their imagination to pretend to believe something, then eventually teach themselves to be and do that thing. So, I did just that. I pretended I was a daughter, even on days I did not feel it. I put a note on the top of my calendar every day to remind me who I am. I read scripture to remember who God says I am. I prayed to God, not just as the powerful creator, but as if I were having a conversation with my dad. By initially pretending and using my imagination, the Holy Spirit stretched my heart and mind to better grasp what is real and true. I can say now that I rarely need to pretend. 

When you discover who you are in Christ, you truly have the freedom to live as royalty. Your mind might be thinking of the grandeur of a royal family or palace—and yes, one day we will live in mansions (John 14:2). Or you might be thinking of the allure of a beautiful princess in a fairytale—well yes, we can be graceful and elegant, and we are beautiful because we are made in the image of our Maker (Genesis 1:27). But the caveat to being heirs to the King is what Paul states in Romans: “provided we suffer.” Although suffering is hard to see as a privilege, Christ’s suffering at the cross is the reason we can experience His love. As Jesus did, we are to lay down our lives for one another and to serve—not be served. He asks that we die with Him. We will never fully know the ways of God. This is why He is God, and we are not. Just as fine wine is only made through crushing, suffering somehow seems to bring us closer to perfection and realize the real source of our happiness. We must endure living in a world that is not as it should be…yet…but we are also given spiritual authority and the armor of God to fight against the forces of evil in this world. It takes a lot of courage to become who we are meant to be, and that will include a lot of suffering along the way. However, I am reminded of a child’s unwavering faith in a protective parent. When faced with adversity, we can stand firm, echoing the defiant words of a child to a bully, “Don’t you know who my Father is?” We have hope, knowing that His kingdom is already victorious. 

There is a famous quote that says the two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. I tend to agree with this quote, but I would say the first is the day you are born again and the second is the day you realize your true identity in Christ. If you are His and you have forgotten, ask Jesus to remind you. The love of the Father and knowing what it means to be His daughter will truly transform your life. 

Whether you’ve experienced the joy of finding your identity or are still on a journey, your story is valuable, and we would love to hear more about your experiences in the comments section below.